jokes

I wish I could write more

A grandma sends a 14 cms collar size shirt to her grandson who has a 16 cm collar size. Then her grandson writes a letter,Grandma, thanks for the shirt, I wish I could write more, but now I hardly to breath because I use your given shirt.

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Give and run

Older brother:Little brother, your stomach will explode if you eat one more slice of pizza??
Little brother: Older brother, therefore just give me one more slice of pizza and run??

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Obey the rule

Mother: My son, since your father became a bus driver, you never talk to him anymore, why???
Son: I am afraid, because in father’s bus, there is an announcement: talking with driver is prohibited

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Cheaper

A woman went shopping and met an egg seller
Woman: How much is it???
Egg seller: The good ones is Rp. 3000/kg and the broken ones is Rp. 1500/kg, madam
Woman: In that case, break the good ones for 5 kgs
Egg seller: ????!!!!!!!!!!!!??

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Guilty

An attorney is investigating a woman who has just killed her husband
Attorney: Afer you put some poison in your husband’s coffee and sit beside him watching him drinking that coffee, don’t you feel guilty and regret?
Woman: Well, I feel guilty and regret
Attorney: When was it?
Woman: When he asked for more coffee??

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Watch

Father: Did you like the break proof, shockproof, waterproof and magnet proof that I give you?
Son: No I don’t like it
Father: Why????
Son: Because it was not thief proof??t;br>

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News for mother

Son: Mother I’ve got a good news. Today I got 100 for my test
Mother: Wll, my clever son. Iam proud of you. Please tell me more, son
Son: Well got 50 for my math, 30 for religious studies and 20 for my English
Mother: ??????????????????

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How can you get four suits for a dollar?
Buy a deck of cards.

How do dinosaurs pay their bills?
With Tyrannosaurus checks.

What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?
Tyrannosaurus wrecks.

What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?
Tyrannosaurus Tex.

How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?
They had reservations.

How do you make a hot dog stand?
Steal its chair.

How do you make an egg laugh?
Tell it a yolk.

How do you prevent a Summer cold?
Catch it in the Winter!

How does a pig go to hospital?
In a hambulance.

If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?
Silverware.

What bird can lift the most?
A crane.

What bone will a dog never eat?
A trombone.

What can you hold without ever touching it?
A conversation.

What clothes does a house wear?
Address.

What country makes you shiver?
Chile.

What did one elevator say to the other?
I think I’m coming down with something!

What did one magnet say to the other?
I find you very attractive.

What did Tennessee?
The same thing Arkansas.
What did Delaware?
Her New Jersey.

What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?
It’s time to go to sweep.

What did the necktie say to the hat?
You go on ahead. I’ll hang around for a while.

What did the rug say to the floor?
Don’t move, I’ve got you covered.

What do bees do with their honey?
They cell it.

What do you call a calf after it’s six months old?
Seven months old.

What do you call a guy who’s born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?
Dead.

Why does the Easter Bunny have a shiny nose?
His powder puff is on the wrong end.

Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?
She ran away from the ball.

Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed?
She couldn’t control her pupils.

What do you call a pig that does karate?
A pork chop.

What do you call a song sung in an automobile?
A cartoon.

What do you call the best butter on the farm?
A goat.

What do you do when your chair breaks?
Call a chairman.

What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?
A brick layer!

What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?
Big holes all over Australia!

What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?
Bugs Bunny.

What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?
Wet feet.

What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?
A rash of good luck.

What happens when frogs park illegally?
They get toad.

What has 6 eyes but can’t see?
3 blind mice.

What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?
A piano.

What has one horn and gives milk?
A milk truck.

What is a tree’s favorite drink?
Root beer.

What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?
Sleep somewhere else.

What kind of cats like to go bowling?
Alley cats.

What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?
Deviled eggs.

What kind of ties can’t you wear?
Railroad ties.

What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?
A dead centipede.

What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?
An in-car-nation.

What’s gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?
The Presidential Seal.

What’s green and loud?
A froghorn.

What’s round and bad-tempered?
A vicious circle.

Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?
He took them to a pignic.

Where do fortune tellers dance?
At the crystal ball.

Why did the doughnut shop close?
The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!